The Art of Letting Go: A Guide for Parents

Parenthood is a journey filled with love, joy, and challenges. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and responsibilities that often leaves us feeling overwhelmed, especially at this time of year. In this article, we explore the concept of letting go and its profound implications for parents.

Dr. Chris Willard shares insights on how renunciation, or letting go, can be an act of kindness and generosity toward ourselves, our partners, our families, and everyone around us.

To truly understand the power of letting go, it's essential to recognize the three levels of attachment that affect our lives as parents.

1. Letting Go of Stuff

Despite giving up a lot when we become parents, we find ourselves surrounded by an abundance of material possessions. Plastic toys, baby gadgets, and miscellaneous items can clutter our lives. The first step in letting go is decluttering our physical space.

2. Renouncing Unhealthy Habits

Our culture's addiction to busyness and our own unhealthy habits often prevent us from having free time, which is essential for both parents and children. Letting go involves breaking free from these habits that rob us of precious moments.

3. Discarding Harmful Beliefs

We inherit not only family heirlooms and traditions but also harmful beliefs and unhelpful memories. Dr. Willard encourages us to examine and discard beliefs and attitudes that we'd rather not pass on to our children.

The Letting Go Visualization

The art of renunciation can be explored and practiced by parents through this letting go visualization exercise. Here's a step-by-step guide:

1. Find a Comfortable Posture: Sit up straight and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

2. Reflect on Resentments and Unhealthy Beliefs: Consider any resentments or unhealthy beliefs that weigh you down daily. Choose one smaller belief that you feel comfortable setting aside for the moment.

3. Visualize Letting Go: Imagine releasing this belief or resentment, allowing it to slip from your grasp. Feel the relief that comes with temporarily setting it aside.

4. Breathe and Relax: Continue to breathe deeply, allowing your body and mind to relax.

5. Explore Parenting Beliefs: Reflect on the stories you tell yourself about parenting. How often have you accused yourself of being a bad parent or compared yourself to your own parents? Consider what it would be like to let go of these thoughts and unrealistic expectations.

6. Aim for the Middle Path: Recognize that letting go is not always easy, but aim for a middle ground. Become aware of what you do and don't need in your life, whether it's material possessions, habits, or beliefs.

"Being a monk means knowing that you need to let go but not being able to 90% of the time."

This sentiment resonates with parents who struggle to release attachments, even when they know it's in their best interest. Another wise quote by Joseph Goldstein reminds us that we don't always have to let go completely – sometimes, we just have to refrain from holding on too tightly.

Final thoughts

Letting go is a powerful practice that can lead to greater happiness, peace, and fulfillment in our lives as parents. By embracing the concept of renunciation and consciously detaching from material possessions, unhealthy habits, and harmful beliefs, we create space for growth, understanding, and compassion. As parents, our ability to let go not only benefits us but also sets an inspiring example for our children, teaching them the value of simplicity, self-compassion, and the art of release.

Dr. Christopher Willard

Dr. Chris Willard has consulted and lectured at more than 100 K-12 schools (including Philips Andover Academy and Deerfield Academy), 30 universities (including Oxford, Stanford and MIT), educational organizations like the US Department of Education and businesses such as Google and Royal Bank of Canada.

TeachUp's wellbeing courses were developed in partnership with Dr. Christopher Willard, a practicing psychotherapist, lecturer, and faculty member at Harvard Medical School. Throughout our series of courses, Dr. Chris shares neuroscience-based practices that can be used by teachers, therapists, and others looking for creative ways to share mindfulness and promote wellbeing in their schools.